CAPTAIN TWISTED WHISKERS
Captain Twisted whiskers yowls orders from his position at the helm of the discarded shopping cart he commandeers as his very own Alley Galleon. It’s drawn along the bitumen by a team of enslaved Chihuahua’s and a crusty crew of Alley cats.
The captain is a pirate of long and dubious reputation, a legendary scrapper (it is said that he has one metal claw on each foot). He lost an eye in an encounter with a poodle, but he likes to say he clawed it out himself. Of course he was groomed to be a pirate by the late, great Tom Cat “no Tail Puss” A most furrr-ocious and Notorious Villain, it is said he kept a female in every back street and lane way.
Twisted Whiskers and his crew patrol a most sought after inner city patch behind a strip of restaurants. Hence he and his crew are kept busy evicting interlopers, in the interest of maintaining their gourmet diets and discerning tastes.They also regularly plunder dumpsters for discarded treasures- scraps of metal for fashioning DIY shanks and weaponry, ring pulls off beverage containers (they make charming earrings- and Twisted Whiskers has lost none of his feline vanity) and miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam for adding to his Pirate grotto, Whiskers rather fancies a sunken conversation pit, even though everyone tells him it’s hideously 1970’s kitsch.
Of course now and again the captain’s leadership is challenged and he has made many a shamefaced pussy walk the plank into a stagnant puddle. He often puts the likes of these to work at the most menial of duties, like licking between his toes.
Sometimes Twisted Whiskers muses about what his life might have been like if he hadn’t escaped from the Pet shop- perhaps he would be curled up in front of a heater somewhere, but then he would never have the fetid smell of garbage in his nostrils or the juice of a rancid carcass on his chin. No not for him the pampered life of a house cat. Twisted Whiskers is a pirate to the very marrow. In his own words:
The captain is a pirate of long and dubious reputation, a legendary scrapper (it is said that he has one metal claw on each foot). He lost an eye in an encounter with a poodle, but he likes to say he clawed it out himself. Of course he was groomed to be a pirate by the late, great Tom Cat “no Tail Puss” A most furrr-ocious and Notorious Villain, it is said he kept a female in every back street and lane way.
Twisted Whiskers and his crew patrol a most sought after inner city patch behind a strip of restaurants. Hence he and his crew are kept busy evicting interlopers, in the interest of maintaining their gourmet diets and discerning tastes.They also regularly plunder dumpsters for discarded treasures- scraps of metal for fashioning DIY shanks and weaponry, ring pulls off beverage containers (they make charming earrings- and Twisted Whiskers has lost none of his feline vanity) and miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam for adding to his Pirate grotto, Whiskers rather fancies a sunken conversation pit, even though everyone tells him it’s hideously 1970’s kitsch.
Of course now and again the captain’s leadership is challenged and he has made many a shamefaced pussy walk the plank into a stagnant puddle. He often puts the likes of these to work at the most menial of duties, like licking between his toes.
Sometimes Twisted Whiskers muses about what his life might have been like if he hadn’t escaped from the Pet shop- perhaps he would be curled up in front of a heater somewhere, but then he would never have the fetid smell of garbage in his nostrils or the juice of a rancid carcass on his chin. No not for him the pampered life of a house cat. Twisted Whiskers is a pirate to the very marrow. In his own words:
“Meow, Meow, meow, meow
A Pirates life for me.”
posted by Jen at 5:02 PM
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