ANGEL SLAYED A RABBIT SUIT

Angel went a hunting-
In the underworld one day.
Deep in the petrified forest
Where the ghoulie babies play.

She took her trusty crossbow
And her arrows straight and true,
Her Uzi and her stiletto,
Broadsword and shot gun too.

Peeping through the twisted willow,
She came upon some plushy prey;
The breeze ruffling their faux fur pelts,
Like a herd of cheap toupee.

Now Plush toy beasts are fearsome,
Manky, skanky, funky fiends
Costumed in threadbare furs,
All splitting at the seams.

Toy fur doesn’t like water,
And plushies love to play out doors,
Moldering their saggy hides
And wearing off their paws.

Angle saw a likely kill,
And held it in her sights
The saggy costume bit the dust,
Red blossomed over white.

Angel caught herself a rabbit suit,
She whooped with grim delight,
She kept the bunny in her bed,
To snuggle with at night….

- Lady Nemesis 2004

The Slaying of BRIDEZILLA

The Slaying of Bridezilla

The slaying of Bridezilla cont.

I asked my love to take a walk
Just a little ways with me
And as we walked and we would talk
All about our wedding day

[Chorus:]
And only say that you'll be mine
In no others arms entwined
Down beside where the waters flow
On the banks of the Ohio

I asked her if she'd marry me
And my wife forever be
She only turned her head away
And had no other words to say

[Chorus]

I plunged a knife into her breast
And told her she was going to rest
She cried "Oh Willy, don't murder me
I'm not prepared for eternity."

I took her by her golden curls
I drug her down to the river-side
An I there threw her into drown
And I watched her as she floated down

[Chorus]

And going home between twelve and one
I cried "Lord, what have I've done?"
I've killed the girl I love
Because she would not marry me

- Banks of the Ohio - Johnny Cash

For months the household had been piqued with the tension; battles plans were drawn and re-drawn, strategies were carefully nurtured and often fraught with dissent, only to be cast asunder and re- hashed at a later date. Sensibilities were offended, dispute reigned rife and more than once the gloom had intervened on impending blood shed. He could take the Bridzilla and her demon consorts no longer. Since the blessed proposition he had broken out in spots unlike anything he had experienced since his teens, his girth had expanded and he was pretty sure he would be bald as a badger by the nuptials should things continue in this vein.
One day after a particularly viscous encounter with the Bridzilla- co-incidentally over his afore mentioned waistline, which could no long be contained within the much hallowed Lilac cummerbund (much prized by Bridzilla’s, yet loathed by glooms.) He could take no more. He drew a nearby cake knife and slew the rabid Bridzilla in one mighty blow.
Lady Nemesis 2005

Jasper

JASPER

Once upon a most ghoulish time, a handsome young demon and his gruesome, undead ghoulfriend decided to wed. It was at the stroke of midnight on all hallows eve that they pledged their love eternal in front of a congregation of their most fiendish friends. The blessed event was then followed by much bone shaking (dancing) and eating of cake (black forest) and one would expect that the newly Ghoulie wed couple would have lived unhappily ever after, but the years turned into decades and still they weren’t blessed with the scratchy scratch of tiny claws echoing through their draughty halls.
How the couple bemoaned their barrenness, were they never to bestow their excellent skills of discipline and punishment upon a little Devils spawn of their own? Though they were still deeply obsessed with and consumed by one another, they felt a certain hollowness within that no amount of rancid flesh could fill.
Then frightfully stormy night while the lightening flashed and the thunder roared, as they sat in their parlour staring out at the cemetery and generally enjoying the havoc being wreaked upon the world outside, there came a timber splintering rapping at their door.
On investigation the couple found a flock of rather bedraggled crows, their plumage quite soaked from the rain, clutching various pieces of fabric that dangled from a small swaddled parcel. The ghouls ushered the crows in to dry by the fire while they examined the little mummified bundle more closely.
Once the vast amount of wrapping was removed, the Ghoulie couple discovered with great delight a most deliciously pale ghoulish baby. He had ten little claws and ten little toes (complete with long and sabre sharp nails) and a most fearsome set of fangs. The Ghoulie bride cooed and marvelled at his lovely little horns and they both recoiled with shared horror at the cuteness of his dimples. Indeed the couple were smitten with their satanic little bundle and christened him “Jasper” after dearly departed , at least twice over, great grandpa Jasper on his fathers side.
They made an obscenely happy family and little Jasper was showered with gory gifts, even a pet spider of his very own - a large black, beady-eyed beast with a notoriously venomous bite. The family were often seen swimming in the swamp and picnicking in the moonlit cemetery. Little Jasper had a keen and hungry mind and learned fast, devouring great texts of forensic pathology and reading ghost stories just for fun. All of which was most heartening to his parents who had often fretted that he would be discriminated against for his dimples and lack of open wounds and not a single day passed that they didn’t reassure their beloved spawn that one day he would haunt any mansion, castle or church yard he desired.

- Lady Nemesis 2001

IT'S ALIVE or Who's a clever pants then??

Ok, I know it’s not nice to crow, but well sometimes you just can’t help it. My posts have been less than regular, but all will be revealed as I am feeling quite the clever puss after completing my web site revamping odyssey. Yes, it got ugly a few times there- threats, new additions to the English language (and not at all becoming of a ghoulish Diva), but finally I wrestled the ‘puter beast into submission and it is online and awaiting your perusal. Please do visit- oh and let me know if there are any gremlins I haven’t yet exorcised.

Tips for the creative Dive her wishes for a moment of computer geek inspiration!

1 Some of the website programs out there are so easy even I can do it (Front page in my case)
2 All of the bells and whistles are pretty but not essential- yeah I know, sometimes simple is good.
3 Computers don’t think, they possess neither commonsense of elementary knowledge. You must reduce your thinking to the most basic, abstract level and remember to tell your computer all of the little details- eg, what, where, when.

As for me I think I need a cup of tea and a wee lie down.